Understanding how husbands and wives should treat each other according to the Bible is foundational to building a strong, loving, and God-honoring marriage. The Bible provides profound insights and instructions on the roles, responsibilities, and attitudes that spouses should embody in their relationship. These instructions are not merely rules but are deeply rooted in the nature of God’s love and the example of Christ’s relationship with the Church.
The apostle Paul, in his epistle to the Ephesians, offers a comprehensive framework for marital relationships. Ephesians 5:22-33 is often quoted in discussions of Christian marriage. Here, Paul writes, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
This passage, while sometimes controversial, is deeply significant. It calls for mutual respect and love, grounded in the sacrificial love of Christ.
Wives: Respect and Submission
The concept of submission in Ephesians 5:22-24 has been misunderstood and misapplied at times. It’s important to recognize that biblical submission is not about inferiority or blind obedience. Rather, it is about respect and voluntary yielding in love. The Greek word for submission, "hypotassō," implies a willing and respectful deference. In this context, it means that wives are called to respect their husbands and support their leadership in the family.
This respect is not conditional but is an act of faith and love, reflecting the Church’s relationship with Christ. Respecting one’s husband involves honoring his role, encouraging his spiritual growth, and supporting his decisions while also being a partner in those decisions. Proverbs 31:10-31 provides a beautiful portrait of a godly wife, highlighting her strength, wisdom, and industrious nature. This passage shows that submission does not imply passivity or lack of influence but rather a partnership characterized by mutual respect and love.
Husbands: Love and Sacrifice
For husbands, the call to love their wives "as Christ loved the church" is profound and challenging. Christ’s love for the Church is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. He gave His life for the Church, and this is the model for husbands. In Ephesians 5:25-28, Paul emphasizes that husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, nourishing and cherishing them.
This love involves more than just emotional affection; it requires action and sacrifice. A husband’s love should be protective, providing, and nurturing. It means putting his wife’s needs above his own, seeking her well-being, and being willing to make sacrifices for her. This sacrificial love creates a safe and nurturing environment where the wife can flourish.
1 Peter 3:7 further instructs husbands to be considerate and respectful: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." The term "weaker partner" here is often interpreted to refer to physical strength, but the emphasis is on respect and honor, recognizing the equal value and dignity of the wife as a co-heir of God’s grace.
Mutual Submission
Ephesians 5:21 sets the stage for the specific instructions to husbands and wives: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." This verse underscores the principle of mutual submission, which is the foundation of a Christian marriage. Both husband and wife are called to submit to each other, putting the other’s needs and interests above their own. This mutual submission is rooted in reverence for Christ and reflects the self-giving love that He demonstrated.
Love and Respect: A Reciprocal Relationship
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, in his book "Love and Respect," elaborates on the biblical principles of marriage, emphasizing that men and women have different primary needs. He argues that a woman’s primary need is to feel loved, while a man’s primary need is to feel respected. This aligns with Paul’s instructions in Ephesians 5:33: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." When husbands love their wives and wives respect their husbands, it creates a harmonious and fulfilling relationship.
Communication and Understanding
Effective communication is essential in fulfilling these biblical roles. Husbands and wives should strive to understand each other’s perspectives, feelings, and needs. James 1:19 offers wise counsel: "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Active listening, empathy, and patience are crucial in resolving conflicts and building a strong marital bond.
Forgiveness and Grace
No marriage is perfect, and both spouses will make mistakes. Colossians 3:13 advises, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Forgiveness is vital in maintaining a healthy marriage. It involves letting go of past hurts and extending grace to each other, just as God has forgiven us.
Prayer and Spiritual Growth
A strong Christian marriage is built on a foundation of shared faith and spiritual growth. Praying together as a couple strengthens the marital bond and invites God’s presence into the relationship. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages believers to present their requests to God through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving. Couples should seek God’s guidance, wisdom, and strength in their marriage.
Engaging in regular Bible study, attending church together, and encouraging each other’s spiritual growth are also essential. Hebrews 10:24-25 reminds believers to "consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another." Supporting each other’s spiritual journey fosters a deeper connection and aligns the marriage with God’s purposes.
Conclusion
In summary, the Bible provides a rich and comprehensive guide for how husbands and wives should treat each other. Wives are called to respect and support their husbands, while husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially. Both are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, creating a relationship characterized by mutual respect, love, and selflessness. Effective communication, forgiveness, and shared spiritual growth are essential components of a healthy Christian marriage. By following these biblical principles, couples can build a strong, loving, and God-honoring marriage that reflects the love of Christ and serves as a testimony to the world.
