Is it wrong to feel conflicted about my actions or feelings towards others?

Feeling conflicted about your actions or feelings towards others is a common human experience, and it is not inherently wrong. In fact, such internal conflict can be an important part of your spiritual and moral growth. As a non-denominational Christian pastor, I believe it is crucial to explore this issue from a biblical perspective, considering the teachings of Jesus and the wisdom found in Scripture.

First, let's acknowledge that the Bible does not shy away from the complexity of human emotions. The Psalms, for instance, are replete with expressions of inner turmoil, doubt, and conflict. Psalm 42:11 captures this well: "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Here, the psalmist is clearly experiencing internal conflict, yet he turns to God for reassurance and guidance.

Feeling conflicted can be a sign that you are earnestly seeking to align your actions and feelings with God’s will. In Romans 7:15-20, the Apostle Paul writes about his own struggles with doing what he knows is right versus what he actually does. He says, "For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing" (Romans 7:19). Paul’s transparency about his internal conflict serves as a reminder that even those who are strong in their faith can experience such struggles.

One reason you might feel conflicted is the presence of the Holy Spirit within you. According to John 16:8, one of the roles of the Holy Spirit is to convict the world of sin, righteousness, and judgment. When you feel uneasy about your actions or feelings, it might be the Holy Spirit prompting you to reconsider and realign yourself with God’s principles. This internal conflict can be a divine nudge to reflect and make necessary changes.

Moreover, Jesus’ teachings emphasize the importance of love and reconciliation in our relationships with others. In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus says, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." This passage underscores the necessity of resolving conflicts and maintaining harmonious relationships. Feeling conflicted about your actions or feelings towards others can be an invitation to seek reconciliation and peace.

However, it is also essential to differentiate between constructive conflict and destructive guilt. Constructive conflict can lead to personal growth and improved relationships, while destructive guilt can paralyze you and hinder your spiritual journey. In 2 Corinthians 7:10, Paul makes a distinction between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow: "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." Godly sorrow, or constructive conflict, prompts you to make positive changes, whereas worldly sorrow, or destructive guilt, leads to despair.

In dealing with internal conflict, prayer and reflection are invaluable tools. Philippians 4:6-7 advises, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Bringing your conflicts to God in prayer allows you to seek His guidance and peace, helping you to resolve your internal struggles in a healthy and constructive manner.

Additionally, seeking counsel from trusted Christian friends or mentors can provide you with new perspectives and support. Proverbs 15:22 states, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." Sharing your conflicts with others who share your faith can offer you wisdom and encouragement, helping you navigate your feelings and actions more effectively.

It is also helpful to engage with Christian literature that addresses the topic of internal conflict and personal ethics. Books such as "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas à Kempis and "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis provide profound insights into the Christian life and the struggles that accompany it. These works can offer you guidance and reassurance as you wrestle with your feelings and actions.

Furthermore, it is important to practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Remember that you are human, and experiencing conflict is part of the human condition. In Ephesians 4:32, Paul encourages us to "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Extending this compassion and forgiveness to yourself is equally important. Recognize that you are on a journey, and it is through these conflicts that you can grow closer to God and become more Christ-like.

In summary, feeling conflicted about your actions or feelings towards others is not wrong; rather, it is a natural part of the Christian walk. It can be a sign that you are earnestly seeking to live in accordance with God’s will and are sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. By turning to Scripture, prayer, and the counsel of fellow believers, you can navigate these conflicts in a way that leads to personal growth and deeper relationships with others and with God. Embrace these moments of conflict as opportunities for reflection, repentance, and reconciliation, trusting that God is with you every step of the way.