How should a Christian couple prepare for marriage?

Marriage is a sacred covenant, not just between two individuals but also with God. As a Christian couple preparing for this lifelong commitment, it is essential to approach marriage with a spirit of reverence, understanding, and readiness. Preparation should encompass spiritual, emotional, and practical dimensions, ensuring that the foundation of the marriage is rooted in Christian values and principles.

Spiritual Preparation: Building Your Relationship on a Firm Foundation

The spiritual aspect of preparing for marriage cannot be overstated. It is the cornerstone of a Christian marriage. Ephesians 5:31-33 reminds us, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. [...] Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." This passage highlights the unity and respect that should characterize a Christian marriage.

Prayer and Worship Together: Regular prayer and worship as a couple is a powerful way to nurture your spiritual connection. It invites God into your relationship and helps align your purposes with His. Praying together not only strengthens your bond but also provides spiritual support as you face life's challenges together.

Biblical Study and Reflection: Understanding God’s word on marriage is crucial. Couples should spend time studying the Bible, focusing on scriptures related to love, marriage, forgiveness, and companionship. Books such as "The Meaning of Marriage" by Timothy Keller can offer profound insights into how these scriptures can be lived out in daily life.

Pre-Marital Counseling with a Pastor or Christian Counselor: This provides a space to discuss expectations, roles, and responsibilities in marriage under the guidance of biblical principles. It's an opportunity to address any concerns and establish a mutual understanding of your commitment. Many churches require or recommend pre-marital counseling, recognizing its value in building strong, godly marriages.

Emotional Preparation: Understanding and Communicating

Marriage involves merging two lives into one, which can bring to light varying emotions and expectations.

Communication: Effective communication is the lifeblood of a healthy relationship. James 1:19 advises, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Learning to listen actively and speak honestly with compassion and understanding is essential. Pre-marital counseling often includes communication training, which can be invaluable.

Understanding Love Languages: Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept of the five love languages can also be a useful tool for couples. Understanding whether your partner feels loved through words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch can transform your approach to nurturing one another.

Conflict Resolution: Learning to resolve disagreements without hurting each other is a critical skill for married couples. Ephesians 4:26-27 teaches, "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Discussing strategies for handling conflicts, forgiving, and moving forward is an important part of preparation.

Practical Preparation: Planning Your Life Together

While spiritual and emotional preparations form the core, practical aspects also require attention.

Financial Planning: Money issues are among the top reasons for stress in marriages. Proverbs 13:11 states, "Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow." Discussing finances openly, setting a budget, planning for savings, understanding each other's spending habits, and agreeing on financial goals and responsibilities can prevent many conflicts.

Lifestyle Expectations: Where will you live? How will household duties be shared? What are your expectations regarding work and careers? How do you plan to handle relationships with in-laws and extended family? These are crucial questions that should be addressed before marriage.

Children and Parenting: Discuss whether you want children, how many, and your views on parenting. Understanding each other’s thoughts on child-rearing, including educational and spiritual upbringing, can help avoid conflicts after marriage.

Community and Church Involvement

Being part of a community or church family can provide support and guidance to a married couple. Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages us to consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together. Engaging in church activities, joining marriage groups, or participating in couples’ retreats can strengthen your relationship and keep you grounded in your faith.

Continuous Growth and Renewal

Marriage is a journey of continuous growth and adaptation. As you grow in your marriage, keep the lines of communication open, continue to participate in spiritual practices together, and regularly evaluate and adjust your plans and goals. Celebrating anniversaries, renewing vows, and attending marriage workshops or seminars can also be wonderful ways to strengthen your bond.

Preparing for marriage as a Christian couple involves more than just planning a wedding. It is about building a lasting union that reflects Christ's love and is sustained by His grace. Through prayer, understanding, and practical preparation, you can lay a strong foundation for a joyful and enduring marriage.