How often should I forgive someone who repeatedly sins against me?

Forgiveness is a central tenet of Christian faith and practice, deeply embedded in the teachings of Jesus Christ. The question of how often one should forgive someone who repeatedly sins against them is not only a matter of personal and emotional wellbeing but also a profound spiritual inquiry. The answer to this question is found in the teachings of Jesus, particularly in the Gospel of Matthew.

In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter approaches Jesus with a question about forgiveness: "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus responds, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." This response from Jesus is not meant to be taken as a literal number but rather as an illustration of the boundless nature of forgiveness. Jesus is emphasizing that forgiveness should not be limited or quantified.

The context of this teaching is crucial. In the same chapter, Jesus tells the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:23-35). In this parable, a servant who owes an enormous debt to his master is forgiven, but he then refuses to forgive a fellow servant who owes him a much smaller amount. When the master hears of this, he is outraged and revokes his forgiveness. The moral of the parable is clear: we are called to forgive others as God has forgiven us.

Forgiveness, however, does not mean condoning sin or allowing oneself to be continually harmed. Jesus' teaching on forgiveness is coupled with wisdom and discernment. In Luke 17:3-4, Jesus says, "If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him." This passage highlights the importance of repentance in the process of forgiveness. While we are called to forgive, there is also an expectation of genuine repentance and a change in behavior from the one who has sinned.

Forgiveness is not merely an act but a process. It involves a decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person who has wronged you, regardless of whether they deserve it. This process can be difficult, especially when the offense is repeated. However, forgiveness is essential for our own spiritual and emotional wellbeing. Holding onto anger and bitterness can be corrosive to our souls and can hinder our relationship with God.

The Apostle Paul also speaks about forgiveness in his letters. In Ephesians 4:31-32, he writes, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." Similarly, in Colossians 3:13, Paul exhorts believers to "bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

The call to forgive is rooted in the recognition of our own need for forgiveness. As humans, we are all fallible and in need of God's grace. The Lord's Prayer, which Jesus taught his disciples, includes the petition, "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" (Matthew 6:12). This prayer reminds us that our forgiveness from God is intertwined with our willingness to forgive others.

Christian literature throughout the centuries has echoed this biblical mandate. For example, in "The Cost of Discipleship," Dietrich Bonhoeffer emphasizes the radical nature of Jesus' call to forgiveness and the transformative power it holds. C.S. Lewis, in his book "Mere Christianity," discusses forgiveness as one of the most challenging, yet essential, aspects of Christian life. He writes, "Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive."

It is important to acknowledge that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or allowing oneself to be a doormat. Boundaries are necessary, and there are times when it is appropriate to distance oneself from someone who is continually harmful. Forgiveness can coexist with accountability and justice. It is possible to forgive someone while still holding them responsible for their actions and seeking to protect oneself from further harm.

Moreover, forgiveness is not always immediate. It can be a journey that involves prayer, reflection, and sometimes seeking counsel from trusted friends or spiritual leaders. It is a process that requires God's help. As we struggle to forgive, we can turn to God in prayer, asking for the strength and grace to let go of our hurt and anger.

In conclusion, the question of how often we should forgive someone who repeatedly sins against us is answered by Jesus' teaching that forgiveness should be unlimited. This does not mean that we condone sin or allow ourselves to be continually harmed, but rather that we adopt an attitude of grace and mercy, recognizing our own need for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process that involves releasing resentment and seeking healing, and it is essential for our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. As we strive to forgive, we can draw strength from the example of Jesus and the teachings of the Bible, trusting in God's grace to help us along the way.